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Aug. 2nd, 2030

Moved Fiction

Hey! To keep myself organized, I've moved all my fictions to lt_library, so please go there to read some stuff that I've written (:

Also join for bffimagine cuz she's AWESOME ^^




(:



Feel free to join the comm :D
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Jun. 3rd, 2014

to my sweetheart (5)

to my sweetheart:

i am tired.

i am sick of crying.

"im still alive but im barely breathing
just prayed to a god that i don't believe in
cause i've got time while he's got freedom
cause when a heart breaks it don't break even

while i'm wide awake he's no trouble sleeping

they say bad things happen for a reason
but no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
cause he's moved on while i'm still grieving
cause when a heart breaks it don't break even."

i am done.

love,
your dear

May. 27th, 2014

to my sweetheart (4)

to my sweetheart:

last night i cried over you. i hate how the little things can set me off. i hate it.

i hate it.

i had to sit on the floor in my room, back against the door, headphones on, music blasting. i listened to sam smith's stay with me on repeat. the second verse really gets to me.

Why am I so emotional?
No it's not a good look, gain some self control
And deep down I know this never works
But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt


the first line was what i was thinking as a sobbing mess in the dark of my room. i hate how the smallest of things can get me tearing up. the second line makes me hate myself. sometimes its not you that i hate:

its myself. i need to learn to gain some self control, i need to learn that not everything will go my way. i need to learn that i cant change you.

the last two lines is how ive been feeling towards our relationship. i kind of already knew from the beginning we wouldn't last. and as this progresses i feel as if we're less compatible.

i like the romantic things. i like the little gestures. one single rose for valentines day, eating lunch together even if break is only 45 minutes, sitting beside me even when the assembly is half an hour, texting me goodnight when i log off just a little to early, initiating the conversation even if you're doing work, just the smallest things would make me so happy.

how happy i would be.

how happy i would become.

and here i am on the verge of tears because of how unhappy i am. the bad moments are starting to pile up. they're starting to outweigh the good ones.

self control.

self control...

i am at my breaking point. i don't have time to cry over you. i don't have time to think about you. i don't have time for this relationship, there have been too many tears spent on it.

i have nothing else to give.

what do you want from me?

please.

love,
your dear

May. 24th, 2014

to my sweetheart (3)

to my sweetheart:

i wonder what you're doing right now.

love,
your dear

May. 22nd, 2014

to my sweetheart (2)

to my sweetheart:

hello again. today i will agree with you, i was out of line. what i was upset over was not something to really be upset about. but i am just so frustrated. please understand. please see.

i cried about it today. on the bathroom floor. the cold tiles reminded me of you. its sad. i tried to tell myself to suck it up and stop crying, because crying is a sign of weakness, but i couldnt. i am weak. i am sad.

i cant handle you sometimes. its the little things; they just keep on piling and piling and its getting very troublesome and problematic now. i cannot deal with you sometimes. i wish you would notice though.

i wish you would ask what is wrong when i give one worded replies. i wish you understood how i felt and would ask me if i was okay.

i hate your topic changes. i hate the way you treat me. i hate that you can never tell. i hate that i need to be a face, i need to be there in person and in the flesh for you to notice. why are you like this.

why do you treat me so.

but aren't i the one at fault for remaining with you? have we run our course? is this the end?

maybe.

i am not sure.

what is this feeling?

regret? exhaustion?

yes, i am exhausted. this relationship is exhausting me, it is draining me.

but you tell me, what am i to do? can i change you? no. can i change myself? maybe. but why should i when i am not the one to blame? oh no. what to do?

what to do?

love,
your dear

May. 16th, 2014

to my sweetheart (1)

to my sweetheart:

hi. so there are a lot of things i have to say this time around. its been a while, a long while, and i regret nothing. it has been good, its been great actually, but there are so many things i have to get off of my chest.

there are these little things about you, little flaws, that i know i have to get over, but i just cannot shake it off as of this moment.

you are forgetful; but not the kind of "i forgot my phone" forgetful, but you miss the dates. you miss the details. when i am the one to initiate to ask for a date, it has been more than once you have forgotten and made other plans. when i say "its alright", i am lying through my teeth. it is not alright. i am not alright. i wish you would pick up on the hint and cancel the other plans you had made to spend time with me. but sometimes i guess im not important enough.

when you tell me one thing you go back on your word; most of the time it has to do with the movies we say we will watch together. its cute how enthusiastic you are about seeing a new movie that just came out, but when you promise to watch it with me and go out and watch it with your friends, its not so cute anymore. it hurts. it makes me upset. and you notice im upset, and when i tell you what is wrong, you still dont cancel or tell your friends "sorry, i was going to watch that with my girlfriend". you go out anyway. sometimes, i guess im not important enough.

this last one may just seem outrageously stupid and idiotic, but you're such a guy; you're insensitive, inconsiderate, and blind to my feelings. if a girl friend of yours bothers me and i ask about it, why do you have to reprimand me and turn it around so it seems like im the one who's mistaken? if i am not comfortable with you hanging around or talking to or even snapchatting that person, i wish you would just tell me "baby, im sorry, i wont anymore". but i think im living in a fantasy world with magical fairies where dreams are only in your sleep. because sometimes, im not important enough.

i know i have flaws as well; i know i can be annoying, i know i can be a little too moody, i know i can be pushy, hell, i know sometimes im really damn unreasonable, but i wish that you'd think about how i feel, how it is in my shoes, and stop asking "whats wrong with you" everytime i act out.

its not fair.

and i hate it.

a lot of the times, i hate you.

because sometimes, i guess im not important enough.

love,
your dear

Aug. 10th, 2012

am i shipping wrong?

NO. The answer is NO, I'm not shipping wrong.

I'm going to start off with my EXO ships. Because I ship Kris/Tao, but really, the best is Kris/Lay. HOW CAN YOU NOT SHIP THE KRISPYLAYS?! tbh, Kris/Lay has more interaction and are practically MARRIED, so how can you NOT ship it?

And then I'm moving onto B.A.P. I ship Yongguk/Daehyun, which is sooooooo not popular, so I'm currently crying in a corner. AND AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT REALLY AND TRULY THINKS DAEYHYUN'S A BOTTOM?!?! probably. okay.

You know what? I ALSO THINK JUNHYUNG'S A BOTTOM TOO. Yeah. You heard me. Yong Junhyung of BEAST. Seriously, have you seen that boy's aegyo?! How could you possibly think he's all manly with all his cuteness floating around? I ship Doojoon/Junhyung as well, which is also unpopular, but yeah.

Oh, My Shipping Woes!
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Apr. 10th, 2012

Procrastination

Stop procrastinating.

It's not good for you.

Keep working hard.

GO GO GO!

._. school.
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Nov. 6th, 2011

Update on Units

English - 16 (4)
Math - 4
Law - 3
Science - 4
Art - 3/4
Tech - ?
Band - ? (Need to do some private practices.)
Gym - Complete that last workout.
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Sep. 27th, 2011

(no subject)

Gonna fail Law tomorrow! D:
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